


A Keepsake of Hope

by Quin



Category: Tonari no Totoro | My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quin/pseuds/Quin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After receiving a call by a distraught Satsuki, old memories come back to Mei. Inspired by them, she gets an idea of how to comfort her sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Keepsake of Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kawree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawree/gifts).



Mei kept staring at the phone she had put down a while ago. It was rare for Satsuki to call. Her sister had always preferred to write letters. Mei had been seven years old when the Kusukabe family had gotten their first phone. Even then it had only been for emergencies. The gods be thanked Mei and Satsuki’s mother hadn’t been that ill again. So the phone had sat mostly unused on a small table in the corner of the hallway, except for a few calls their father had received from his university.

Three years later, they had had a series of strange calls. The phone would ring, but whenever someone picked up the receiver, there was nothing but silence until the unknown person disconnected the call. It had become a bit frightening, but one day they discovered that it had been Kanta all along. His infatuation with Satsuki had continued through the years. Everybody in the Kusukabe family liked the boy. He tried to put on a tough act, but deep down, he was still the same shy boy at sixteen that he had been at ten. He never tried to draw attention to himself, but he usually could be relied onto give a helping hand.

They had laughed about the incident afterwards. Kanta had been so ashamed that he’d hidden from Satsuki for several weeks, until her father talked to him man to man.

After Satsuki had moved away to become a teacher, Kanta had finally put an effort into his studies in order to follow Mei’s sister. They had married two years ago. Both Kusukabe-san and the head of the Okagi family had approved of the union. Mei was very happy for Satsuki and Kanta, but sometimes she wished that they didn’t live so far away. Kanta’s work required him to travel frequently, and being a teacher in Sapporo, Satsuki could only come visit her family during the school holidays. She was often alone during the evening.

Despite the distance between their homes, Mei and Satsuki remained close. The difference between their ages hadn’t been an issue during their childhood, so distance hadn’t been able to harm their relationship either. Mei fondly remembered how their encounter with Totoro had brought them closer together.

After the Catbus had brought them home from the Shichikokuyama hospital, utter relief had filled their hearts. Their mother had been released from the hospital soon after, and their house had been a source of warmth and bliss. When Mei and Satsuki proudly told their parents about their adventure with Totoro and the Catbus, their mother and father had kindly listened, their voices affirmative and full of affection.

For Mei and Satsuki, there had never been any doubt about Totoro’s existence. The siblings had treasured their experience, holding it dear like a jewel. Totoro had given them strength and assurance when they needed it most, in a way that no adult could have done. He had distracted them from their worries about their mother without downplaying them or making them worse. When Mei and Satsuki had been down and dejected, Totoro had been the friend to turn to. 

The sisters had wanted to share their joy with the world. They had felt good about telling their story, which had started out badly and ended so well. They had wanted to embrace everyone, and they had expected to be embraced back, but reality had hit them hard. Other than their parents and Kanta’s granny, nobody had wanted to hear about Mei and Satsuki’s encounter with Totoro. Adults had lectured them, saying that they shouldn’t anger the spirits by talking so profanely about them, or that they were just little children and didn’t know how to show the spirits the respect they deserved. The other children hadn’t taken them seriously. Some of them had laughed behind their backs, especially older children and Satsuki’s peers. They thought it was ridiculous that at age ten Satsuki hadn’t stopped being into fairy tales.

The worst, though, had been when Satsuki’s teacher had come to their home after some weeks and asked to talk to their parents. Mei and Satsuki hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but as they had passed by the living room, they had heard words that made them stop dead in their tracks. “I can understand that Satsuki wants to keep this farce up for Mei's sake, but she should be more sensible around her peers and elders.”

Mei hadn’t grasped everything the teacher had said, just that Totoro didn’t exist. There had been too many emotions running through her. She hadn’t wanted to believe that Totoro wasn’t real. But the teacher was well-loved by all the children, and the adults all held her in high regards. Why would she have lied? What had stung even more was that the teacher had accused Satsuki. Mei had turned five by then. She knew that there was a difference between the truth and a lie. What had upset her the most were the doubts that had started to come. She'd no longer been sure whom she could trust to tell her the truth. It had shaken her to the core that Satsuki’s teacher and even her own sister could have lied to her about Totoro.

Mei had wanted to run off into the garden, but Satsuki had blocked her path. So instead she had fled to the attic, hiding in a small corner where Satsuki couldn’t reach her because of her height. Mei had covered her ears with her hands to show Satsuki that she hadn’t wanted to hear anything her sister had to say. It had felt like hours had gone by since Satsuki had first tried to talk calmly to Mei and then had started to shout at her. Mei had been crying the entire time, but Satsuki had finally started to cry as well before leaving.

Nobody had come to put Mei to bed. In retrospect, it had probably been Satsuki’s task, as their father and mother had gone out to help a village elder. It slowly had grown dark, and Mei had started to shiver. The Kusukabe family had meant to renovate the attic, but the other rooms had taken priority. Therefore, the attic had still looked the same as it had when they moved in.

It had been rather cold and the wind had howled through the cracks. Nevertheless, Mei had refused to go down. She hadn’t wanted to see anybody. She had believed that if she could hold on to that moment, stay away from people, the deep feeling of loss would fade away.

When Mei had woken up in the morning, her body had been stiff and achy, but she hadn’t been cold anymore. Somebody had stuffed a huge blanket into the space where she had been hiding. There had been a picture as well. Carefully, Mei had picked up the drawing, realizing it must have been from Satsuki. It had shown a big Totoro with Satsuki and Mei hugging him. There had also been a bunch of other people drawn as stick figures who had been crossed out with a bold X.

Mei hadn’t been sure about Satsuki’s message, but the longer she had sat and stared at the picture, the more she had wanted to accept it as true. She had gone down to see her sister. Mei hadn’t known what to say. She had cautiously looked at her sister with wide eyes. Satsuki had moved towards her and pulled her into an embrace so quickly that Mei had no chance to flee again. Her sister had rocked her back and forth while repeating over and over again that she believed in Totoro as much as Mei did.

Afterwards, Satsuki had sat down with Mei, trying to explain to her that other people weren’t always right, even if they were grown up and as respected and beloved as the teacher. Satsuki had pointed out to Mei examples of times when people had made small mistakes without those mistakes making them any less likeable. There had been the time when Satsuki’s teacher had underlined errors on Kanta’s math exam although he had done the exercises correctly. Another time, Kanta’s granny had been convinced that she was supposed to bring leather from the market, but Kanta’s mother had been in need of wool.

When Mei had asked her sister why so many people said that Totoro didn’t exist and whether that many people could really be mistaken, Satsuki had nodded fiercely. She had told Mei that she had had doubts before, too, and she knew how much they hurt. She had brooded on her own for a while, visiting the shrine and all the places where she and Mei had met Totoro. At some point, it had dawned on her that Mei’s and her encounter with the Totoros and the Catbus had been something that just didn’t happen to people every day. It had been an extraordinary situation in which the sisters had needed a sign of hope that they could understand. People might have understood if they had had the same experience, but their inability to see what had happened through Mei’s and Satsuki’s eyes made them reject it.

Later, as Mei had gotten older, she had been able to make more and more sense of what her sister had wanted to say to her on that day. Back then, the most important thing had been that Satsuki was able to reassure her about Totoro’s existence, and that her sister was with her, on her side. They had agreed to keep Totoro their secret and to celebrate a special Totoro day every year on the day when they had first met him. Reliving their memories of Totoro together had strengthened their bond as siblings, while at the same time giving them a sanctuary no one else could access. Totoro remained their safe harbour during all the years of their childhood. Sometimes when they had been lying in bed and about to fall asleep, Mei and Satsuki had thought they could hear somebody playing the ocarina. 

It had now been six years since Satsuki had moved out. In the beginning, Mei had terribly missed her older sister, but they had frequently written letters to each other. However, since the distance made it impossible to have their yearly special Totoro day, somehow their meeting with him had slowly fallen into oblivion. They hadn’t forgotten Totoro on purpose. There had been other topics to discuss: Satsuki’s studies, her relationship with Kanta, and Mei’s experiences back home with their parents. 

Yet after Satsuki’s call, Mei couldn’t help but think of the kind spirit of the forest. Satsuki had been in tears when she had phoned, barely able to speak. She was with child, and so far the pregnancy had gone well. It wasn’t long until Satsuki was due, but she had started to have abdominal pain and bleeding. The doctor had tried to reassure her, but Mei had heard in Satsuki’s voice that she was beside herself with the fear of losing her child. It had been hard to reassure her over the phone. To be honest, not yet having had a child, Mei hadn’t known what she was supposed to say to ease Satsuki’s mind. Her heart yearned to be with her sister, just to be there and take her in her arms and give her the comfort she couldn’t put into words.

Mei was aware that she wouldn’t be allowed to go visit Satsuki now. She had important exams in school coming up, and surely their mother, with her worldly wisdom, would know how to assess Satsuki’s situation and calm her down. Mei, though, had never been a person to sit down, be patient, and do nothing. She had to act. She needed to be certain that she had done everything possible for her sister.

It wasn’t in Mei’s power to summon Totoro to cheer her sister up. Yet it was in her power to awaken Satsuki’s memories of Totoro. She got up and left her room for the little store that was next to the bakery. It sold all the materials Mei would need for sewing Satsuki and her unborn child a cuddly toy Totoro and his companions, including the Catbus. Mei would give the gifts to their parents so they could bring them to Satsuki during their visit the next week. She prayed - no, she fully believed that the memories of Totoro and his friends would give Satsuki the hope and strength she needed for what was to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my betas Ysabet and heinrichfrei for your great help.


End file.
